Should men be more feminist?

Preeti and I have been chatting everyday since we met and it turns out she’s a strong feminist.  She told me about the issues she’s had to deal with from other men in her family and the work she does for the feminist movement.  She told me about an argument she had with her brother when he returned home from work one evening this week and asked her “What have you made for me?”  To which Preeti went into a rage and asked him “Why do you always expect mum or me to do stuff for you?  Why don’t you get off your backside and help out for a change?”  I was surprised to hear about this side of Preeti as she seemed like a girly-girl from first-impressions; although it’s good to see different sides of a person.

This got me thinking about so-called modern men and do they understand the role of today’s 21^st Century women and feminist issues?

For the majority, when you’re in a relationship it is about being respected and valued, which is what most women crave for as many girls don’t get it from their fathers or some members of the family.

There are some girls, for whom, when they start seeing a guy they come across as strong feminists as they are laying their ground rules but once they start getting to know the guy they start to relax.  This no longer becomes an issue if they know the guy they are seeing is very modern, respectful to everyone, including respectful to women – she won’t need to worry about it anymore.  She will move on and focus on the relationship side, continue building her career, and sharing moments together with her man.

To understand a person you need to understand their circumstances; thus, some women are going to come across as strong feminists.  Men need to understand this and understand that the modern woman is very different to the ones off our mothers and grand-mothers generations.  To give a couple of examples: she will want to continue with the career she studied and worked hard for, and want to socialise and drink with her girlfriends and men in her social circle.  This is by no-means a list of the feminist issues of today but it is important men understand where their girlfriend is coming from.

If a man doesn’t know about feminism, why not?  They should also believe in equal rights of women.  It’s a massive issue within the community as women are treated like shit, and unfortunately they are often treated like this by other women in the family.  Father-in-laws are often very good and tend to be quite respectable; it is the mother-in-laws that are complete dragons.  Which is a big shame as it is putting women-against-women.

Often it boils down to self-esteem.  Women who are bullied and treated badly at home and not given a voice by other men and women in the family will struggle to elevate their own values.  For example, look at the bully on the school playground, one of the reasons they become a bully is because they have low self-esteem.  If a woman is mistreated in the family by relatives or in-laws, one of the ways they are going to elevate their own value is by stamping on the person below them in the food-chain because it gives them a sense of self-worth in a way – but they are just bullies at the end of the day.  Another factor is that they want to control their family and if they don’t they know they will get blamed as often blame will fall on the feet of women.

Unfortunately, there are some backward thinking families for whom, if a girl is too career orientated or social, the future mother-in-law may want to squeeze this out of her and make her a housewife.  Why should a woman give up her career, friends or hobbies to put roti on her husband’s plate?

Maybe Asian girls are strong feminists and this has gone into over drive because of what they have witnessed growing up.  It is important that Asian guys acknowledge this and stop acting like mummy’s boys and understand where their future girlfriend or wife (or more likely ex- as many guys lack mental and emotional maturity) is coming from.