Wednesday 23 May 2012

The First Date: Part 1 - ideas

A close friend recently moaned about some of her boring first dates and how unoriginal guys are when it comes to venues and conversations.  Many guys go for the tried and tested dinner or coffee scenario.  This is fine but too easy and isn’t going to make the date one she’s going to remember.  When taking a girl out you don’t want to be like the other boys – you want to be the man.

We take our time to make sure we are dressed to impress but that won’t mean a thing if you fail to impress with an original and fun date.  A good first date allows for conversation and takes pressure of the two of you to constantly talk.

Remember:  actions speak louder than words.  Before I went on a date with Kush, she told me on the phone she was broadminded, but when it came down to trying a new dish, she wasn’t interested.  What does this show?  It shows that she was not what she claimed to be.  No-one wants to waste their time with someone who isn’t who they say they are, and who isn’t fun and interesting from the start.
With the help of my friend (thank you J), we’ve compiled a list of first date ideas that will make her want to spend even more quality time with you!

Go-karting
Who’s a better driver – boys or girls?  Go karting is a fairly cheap and an exciting day out.  Plus you can show that your speeding points were worth it!

Bowling
No matter how awful you may be, bowling is fun!  The friendly atmosphere will make your date feel relaxed and comfortable, which is important.  If she’s comfortable, she’ll have more fun, and if she’s having fun you’ll have a second date.

Snooker / pool club
Why not suggest “Whoever loses has to cook dinner?”  And just like that, you’ve got yourself a second date – but make sure you lose so you can impress her with your culinary skills.  There’s no need to be macho competitive this early – you can show her your manly skills on the third date!

Mini golf / driving range
This is a great daytime date; and it doesn’t matter if either of you don’t know the difference between a wedge and a sandwich.  If she’s not a golfer, helping her with her swing is a great opportunity to get up close and personal!

Country walk
I love the great outdoors and there is nothing better than exploring the great outdoors with your date.  Most girls I know love walking in intriguing and picturesque places.  This will suit the cute surfer girl from Cornwall more than the high-maintenance daddy’s girl (the one who always wears 5 inch heels and prefers expensive champagne at the Dorchester over homemade cider).  This is a great way to take the lead and show off what you’ve learnt from watching Bear Grylls.

Play the tourist
We often take where we live for granted.  So why not find out what exciting local festivals, events and sightseeing tours are worth seeing and show off your home city.

Zoo / Aquarium
Don’t think that going to the zoo is for children – they are great places for a first, second or even third date.  Going for a leisurely walk around the monkey and lion enclosures in the zoo or seeing colourful, playful and weird fish will keep the pair of you interested and broaden both your minds.  Girls love learning new things and she’ll tell all her friends about what an amazing day she had with you.

Music concert
How many times have you asked your date “What music do you like?”  Everyone loves music so why not find out what she’s into and find a local music show so you two can share each other’s company over her favourite sounds.  Word of warning, if her favourite music is rock I would avoid the show as you don’t want to end up in the mosh pit!  It’s happened to me and I didn’t look good!

The beach
This is the perfect way to enjoy the sun, play games and flirt – you may even get to see her in a bikini!  If she’s not game, there will be enough eye-candy (for both of you)!

Picnic
This is my favourite, and like going to the beach, it’s a relaxing day out. Pack some homemade sandwiches and a flask of tea and share intelligent and casual conversations in each other’s company whilst also appreciating the surroundings.  She will love this - trust me!

Theme park
Alton Towers and Thorpe Park have targeted themselves to grown-ups and couples of the years.  She will love the adrenaline rush of being on Nenemis, and she’ll remember you forever if you win her a teddy bear from a stall!

Casino
Money brings power, and women are attracted to this.  Take her to the casino and play the roulette wheel, or get her to blow your dice before you roll on Craps.  You will feel like James Bond and she can be your bond girl.  Warning: casinos’ are no place for the weak and the poor so don’t take your date there if you cannot afford to as you will lose more than you bargained for.

Balloon ride
There is nothing like seeing the world from a bird’s eye view – stunning!

Roof garden
Taking your date to the highest point in the city can be exhilarating for both of you.  Many hotels and restaurants have roof gardens for people to enjoy the view – especially at night.  Going to one by the seaside will be amazing as you two can watch the sun set and see the tide come in from a high vantage point – beautiful!


These first date ideas provide the right balance of conversation and pleasant distractions.  Do get to know the girl first – her interests and her personality – before the date as each activity suit every person differently.  Enjoy!

Monday 21 May 2012

Shopping for a break-up

Recently I’ve found Preeti really boring and too predictable.  Our conversations go along these lines: we would talk about work, she would tell me what she had for dinner, the latest fashion trends in Cosmo magazine, what happened in the latest episode of EastEnders and… nothing else!  She only wants to talk about stuff that interests her.  She’s not interested in my job, she doesn’t socialise and go out in Birmingham very often so has no gossip to share,  and, despite working in corporate finance, when I wanted to discuss the latest issues in Greece and the Single Currency or other current affairs topics she wasn’t interested.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” was her response when I raised the topic.

“Umm, sure, what do you want to talk about then?”

Silence.

She’s a girl with very few interests which doesn’t appeal to me.  This was not the fun and bubbly girl I met at zumba but before finishing it with her I wanted to give her one more chance.  On Saturday I went up to Birmingham and suggested we meet for lunch.  We met outside Birmingham New Street station and made our way to Bull Ring shopping centre.

“Let’s pop into Selfridges as I want to see the make-up counter.”

“Err-” before I even had a chance to think and tell her I would rather stub my toe than walk around the beauty department of a shop she was off towards Selfridges like a dog chasing a bone, and I had to pace up to catch-up with her.  Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this girl?  Did she not learn from our first date that shopping is not a great way for the two of us to get to know each other better?

I was keen to get us somewhere quiet (anywhere other than a shop) so we could chat but it wasn’t happening.  She was trying on various make-up stuff (excuse my naivety but as you can expect I don’t know nor do I care too much about women’s make-up) and chatted away to the girls at the counter like old friends.  Whilst all this was taking place I stood by a giant lipstick display looking like a dipstick!

Fifteen minutes later we eventually left the make-up section and… went to the clothes department!

“Would you like to go outside for a walk Preeti?”

She wasn’t listening “O, look at this.” She picked up a nice stripy red top, put it in front of her and looked in the adjacent mirror.  This was shit.  I wasn’t enjoying myself and it was blatant Preeti was more interested in revamping her wardrobe and beauty collection than seeing if things could work between the two of us.

I got out my phone and pretended I had a message, “Preeti, I’ve just received a message from a friend and I have to dash back to London.”

“Don’t you want to hang around?”

“Sorry about this.”

“Oh,” She looked sad which surprised me, “oh, ok, I’ll walk you back to the station.”

We walked back to the station and on the way she took every opportunity to comment on the window displays of the various shops.   I didn’t say anything.

We arrived at the station and said goodbye to each other.  As I walked to the platform I was disappointed that Preeti did not turn out to be the girl I hoped for.  Did I give her (and us) enough time to see if this relationship would work?  Have I made a mistake to break-up with a girl over shopping for make-up?



*PS. Ladies, when it comes to make-up to attract guys, all you need to put on is nice eye liner and red lip stick.  Men are easy to please when it comes to appearance!

Friday 11 May 2012

Should men be more feminist?

Preeti and I have been chatting everyday since we met and it turns out she’s a strong feminist.  She told me about the issues she’s had to deal with from other men in her family and the work she does for the feminist movement.  She told me about an argument she had with her brother when he returned home from work one evening this week and asked her “What have you made for me?”  To which Preeti went into a rage and asked him “Why do you always expect mum or me to do stuff for you?  Why don’t you get off your backside and help out for a change?”  I was surprised to hear about this side of Preeti as she seemed like a girly-girl from first-impressions; although it’s good to see different sides of a person.

This got me thinking about so-called modern men and do they understand the role of today’s 21st Century women and feminist issues?

For the majority, when you’re in a relationship it is about being respected and valued, which is what most women crave for as many girls don’t get it from their fathers or some members of the family.

There are some girls, for whom, when they start seeing a guy they come across as strong feminists as they are laying their ground rules but once they start getting to know the guy they start to relax.  This no longer becomes an issue if they know the guy they are seeing is very modern, respectful to everyone, including respectful to women – she won’t need to worry about it anymore.  She will move on and focus on the relationship side, continue building her career, and sharing moments together with her man.

To understand a person you need to understand their circumstances; thus, some women are going to come across as strong feminists.  Men need to understand this and understand that the modern woman is very different to the ones off our mothers and grand-mothers generations.  To give a couple of examples: she will want to continue with the career she studied and worked hard for, and want to socialise and drink with her girlfriends and men in her social circle.  This is by no-means a list of the feminist issues of today but it is important men understand where their girlfriend is coming from.

If a man doesn’t know about feminism, why not?  They should also believe in equal rights of women.  It’s a massive issue within the community as women are treated like shit, and unfortunately they are often treated like this by other women in the family.  Father-in-laws are often very good and tend to be quite respectable; it is the mother-in-laws that are complete dragons.  Which is a big shame as it is putting women-against-women.

Often it boils down to self-esteem.  Women who are bullied and treated badly at home and not given a voice by other men and women in the family will struggle to elevate their own values.  For example, look at the bully on the school playground, one of the reasons they become a bully is because they have low self-esteem.  If a woman is mistreated in the family by relatives or in-laws, one of the ways they are going to elevate their own value is by stamping on the person below them in the food-chain because it gives them a sense of self-worth in a way – but they are just bullies at the end of the day.  Another factor is that they want to control their family and if they don’t they know they will get blamed as often blame will fall on the feet of women.

Unfortunately, there are some backward thinking families for whom, if a girl is too career orientated or social, the future mother-in-law may want to squeeze this out of her and make her a housewife.  Why should a woman give up her career, friends or hobbies to put roti on her husband’s plate?

Maybe Asian girls are strong feminists and this has gone into over drive because of what they have witnessed growing up.  It is important that Asian guys acknowledge this and stop acting like mummy’s boys and understand where their future girlfriend or wife (or more likely ex- as many guys lack mental and emotional maturity) is coming from.

Saturday 5 May 2012

Morning date in Mayfair


I arrived at the Marriot hotel where Preeti was staying at 9.40 and waited for her in the lobby.  I started to read a copy of The Telegraph which was on the table as I waited for her.  Twenty minutes flew by quickly and I was engrossed in a thought-provoking article on the impact of global warming on plants (yes, I know it’s nerdy but I find it interesting) that I hadn’t noticed Preeti was standing in front of me waiting.

“Are you going to take me out or can I go back to bed?” She asked sarcastically.

“Oh sorry,” I hurriedly folded the paper away and was slightly embarrassed that I hadn’t noticed her, “Of course I’m going to take you out!”  I gave her a hug and she smelt like freshly cut flowers, and she looked equally lovely in her blue floral top, jeggings and shoes.

“C’mon, lets go,” I led her out of the hotel and we walked through the back streets of Mayfair, admiring the window displays of the art and antique shops.  I love history and learning about different cultures and traditions but she didn’t share my passion.  Once we reached Bond Street that all changed as she was in heaven as she admired Dior, Gucci, Ralph Lauren and other up-market designer brands.

“I love fashion and shopping!”  She was very animated, “Lets go inside Mulberry and have a look at their bags!”

“I’d rather not.”  A girl wouldn’t expect a guy to take her to the football on a first date so why suggest handbag shopping?  “Lets grab a drink.”  I took her hand and led her away from the Mulberry shop.  I began to think that if Preeti and I did become a couple I would need to get a mortgage just to fund her shopping habits.

We made our way to a nice bar on Mount Street, ordered a couple of drinks and chatted away.  We spoke about university life and it turns out the management book I’m currently reading was written by one of her former professors.  She enjoys her work in corporate finance which was nice to hear – you spend so much of your day at your place of work it’s important to enjoy what you do; there’s nothing worse than hearing someone moan about their work and continue doing it.

We spoke passionately about our love for food and experimenting with different recipes and exploring new and different eateries.

“I love making sweets and cakes for my sisters and friends,” she said.

“Wow, so next time we meet up you’ll bring me a cupcake?”

She smiled, “Maybe if you play your cards right.”

“I’m good at card games.”

“Yeah, which games do you like?”

“How about we go back to your hotel and I’ll show you my favourite?”

We laughed and then she said, “You’re bad.”

“Am I?”  I said giving her a longing look.

She sipped on her drink, “I admired your confidence to ask me out in front of my friends at the zumba class-” and then her phone buzzed.  “It’s one of my friends.  There taking me out before I head back home.  Sorry about this.  I’ve really enjoyed myself but I have to go.”

“No problem,” of course I was naturally gutted.  We shared a good couple of hours together and it was a shame to cut it short.

I walked her back to the hotel, “Thanks for a nice time, hopefully talk to you soon?” She asked

“Sure,” I said with a teasing smile.  It was a simple date and we enjoyed each other’s company.

Preeti’s a smart and friendly girl, and from her dress scene and eye for fashion, she’s very stylish too.  Hopefully there will be a second date…

Friday 4 May 2012

Calling Miss Zumba


I was thinking about Preeti all day today.  This morning I sent her a text, ‘Hi Preeti! Hope you had a good time with your friends last night?’  She responded, ‘Morning, yeah it was nice. Have a good day at work!’  It was a simple response but the fact she replied was good enough for me.

I left work early and got home at 5pm.  Was 5 o’clock too early to call her?  What if she’s out with friends?  ‘Duck it’ I thought, I want to talk to her so I rang her.

I scrolled through the names in my phone and got to Preeti.  Just seeing her name gave me butterflies in my stomach.  I pressed the call button and waited for it to ring.  It started to ring.  It carried on ringing.  I normally let the phone ring for 30 seconds or let it go to voicemail (whichever comes first) before hanging up.  I hung up after 30 seconds.

Not a good start.  I decided to get on with preparing my dinner and would try her again afterwards.  As I was cooking I was thinking, ‘was she ignoring me because she’s not interested?’ ‘Was I being too keen?’
It got to 7pm and I was doing the washing up when the phone rang.  It was Preeti so I ripped of my washing-up gloves to pick up the phone.

“Hello,” I answered, in what I hoped was a smooth tone.

“Hi, sorry I missed your call.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it.  How are you?”

“Yeah, I’m well thanks.  I’m in the hotel now, packing my stuff before I leave tomorrow.”

She has a soft brummie accent which I find cute.  We chatted for several minutes; she told me about her work in corporate finance in Birmingham and that she comes down to London occasionally for conferences and visit friends and family.

I was interested to know what religion as I wasn’t too sure so I asked her.

“My mum’s Sikh and my dad’s Hindu. I’ve got the best of both worlds.  You?”

“I’m Sikh.”   Ideally I would like to date someone who’s Sikh and have only been in relationships with Sikh girls.  I’ve never met someone who believed and practised both religions but I thought that this good only be a good a thing.  A girl who understands the two main religions of the Motherland would be perfect to educate our kids on them.  Was I mad to be thinking about children this early?

I was eager to change the topic and actually ask about seeing her, “So, when are you going back to Birmingham?”

“My train leaves Euston at 1740 tomorrow.”

“I’d like to see you before you go.  Are you free tomorrow lunchtime?”

“I’m seeing my friends before I go. Y’know, the ones from Zumba.”

This wasn’t going the way I planned.  I wanted to see her.  I had to see her.  “Let’s to breakfast tomorrow.”

“What?” she said in a startled voice.

“I can come to your hotel and we’ll have breakfast.  You know I’m only calling you because I’m interested and I want us to get to know each other.”

There was a silence.

“Errr,” she hesitated.

“Which hotel are you staying in?” I asked.

“You’re persistent, aren’t you?”

“Obviously.”

It was silent again and I thought she was going to put the phone down on me.

“I’m staying at The Marriot on Park Lane.  What time were you thinking about meeting up?”

I was relieved that she hadn’t hung up.

“I’ll meet you at your hotel at 9am or it that too early for you?”

“Make it 10.”  She was playing hard to get but I like that.  A girl shouldn’t make it easy for a guy and it’s a good way to test how interested he really is.

“Excellent!  I look forward to seeing to you.”

We finished off our call and once I hung up I danced to myself in the living room, pleased at the fact that I was going to see Preeti.  I then made my way to the bedroom, opened my wardrobe and pulled out random tops and jeans and decide what to wear tomorrow.  I wanted to wear my yellow jumper but it’s not washed so I’ve decided I would wear my red one.  I am going to wear the same clothes I wore when I met Amrita but hopefully this time the date will go more smoothly.  I was going to text her tonight but decided not to as I don’t want her to think I’m desperate!  I can’t wait for tomorrow morning to come round.  My alarm’s set for 7am which is super early for a Saturday but it gives me plenty of time to shave, shower and have a croissant before heading out to see her.  I’m so excited.

Thursday 3 May 2012

Rumba in the Zumba


To improve and widen my search for Miss. Right I went to a zumba class tonight to meet girls!  Yes, that’s right: ZUMBA!  *queue Shakira and “Hips don’t lie”*  A friend goes to zumba every week and invited me.  She told me it’s a really good workout but I didn’t care about the exercise part of zumba as I was there for the girls.  I figured that if there was a class of 30 girls and I was the only guy I could easily hook up with one of them!  I checked with my friend whether any Asian girls attended the class and she said ‘yes.’  ‘Excellent’ I thought, this is going to be so easy!

I arrived at the class and there was only one Asian girl there.  I played it cool as I didn’t want her to think I was hitting on her (even thought it was my overall goal) so spoke to her friends first.  Eventually I got round to introducing myself to her and we exchanged pleasantries.  Her name’s Preeti and this was her first Zumba class.

“My friends have dragged me here tonight as I’m only in town this week for a work conference,” Preeti told me in a west midlands accent.

“Where are you from?”

“I live and work in Birmingham-” before she could finish the instructor switched on the rumba-latin music to begin the class.

The class was energetic and intense, and the salsa and hip-hop moves made me use muscles I never knew I had!  I took every opportunity to flex and stretch my muscles and jig my hips to impress the class and show-off.  I don’t know if the girls were turned on but I certainly felt good about myself.  I was the king of the jungle!

Sixty minutes of exhilarating, intense and really fun zumba dancing and exercise came to an end.

“Wow, I loved that!” I told Preeti afterwards, “I could go on for another hour!”

“I’m knackered,” Preeti replied as she dived for her bag to grab her water bottle.

Her friends came over and we all picked up our gear to leave the dance hall.  It was difficult for me to get Preeti on her own as I wanted to chat and get to know her.

“What are your plans this evening?” I asked.

“My friends are taking me out for dinner tonight.”

“When are you going back up to Birmingham?”

“Saturday night, why?”

At which point her two friends turned and gave me the look: the ‘we know what you’re up to’ look.  I didn’t care thought.  Preeti’s an attractive girl, is 5’6” and from first impressions she seems like a nice person and I wanted to know more about her.

“I would like to take you out before you go back?”

She looked to her friends for guidance.

“Can I have your number and you can get back to me on it,” I was getting nervous at this point.  Was I trying too hard?  She hadn’t given me any signals to say she was interested so was it a mistake to ask her out?  I was anxious for a response so I took out my phone and pointed it towards her, “do you mind giving me your number as I’d really like to see you again?”

“Ok,” she said slowly as if to suggest she wasn’t 100% sure she wanted to give it to me, “I’m out with the girls tonight but call me tomorrow.”

I was relived.  We had exchanged numbers and there was a potential date on the cards.  I didn’t want to hang around the dance studios any longer and her friends continued to give me ‘that look’ so I said goodbye to the group.

On my way home I was like a kid with the coolest new toy on the playground.  I am really happy to get Preeti’s number.  I know it’s only her number but it’s a big deal for guys as it means the girl’s interested, right?

I’m going to call her tomorrow and try and see her before she goes home.  I was beaming on my way home and can’t wait for tomorrow to come round.