The science of online dating

I logged onto Singles Solutions today to update my profile and I struggled for over an hour to write something interesting about myself, and something that would intrigue girls who click onto my profile.  How or where do you even start to write about yourself as a person in a profile?  It is difficult as we are not deducible to 2-dimentional profiles; therefore, it can be testing to portray who we really are.

I had a look at the competition and all the guys used the same generic adjectives and phrases.


                'I like cooking and an excellent cook...'


                'Regularly go to the gym and play sports...'


                'I'm laid back and can get along with very much anyone'


                'I'm an independent, confident and positive person...'


                '...funny and a great friend to have.'


But it’s not just the guys – a lot of girls used similar sentences:


                'I love my family and my friends...'


                '...funny and passionate in everything I do in life and work'


                '...open minded and love travelling'


                'I am self-sufficient, independent, and honest'


               'I'm someone who would describe themself as unique in one sense...'


If you took away photos and any references to gender in the profiles you would struggle to tell whether the sentences described either an eligible bachelor or lady.


Online dating is like going to the supermarket – you look and examine what is on the shelf before choosing what you want based on the look and feel of what is on offer.  I look at the girls profiles and I am judging them on their appearance.  If they look nice I then read what they have to say about themselves.  This is how men work – we are shallow creatures!


The photo plays a very important role.  A nice smile (why don’t more people smile in photos?) and being appropriately dressed will attract more interest as the person will come across as more genuine and confident – and we all know confidence is sexy.  I am surprised to see so many guys getting this wrong.  Boys (I use the term ‘boys’ here as they are not mature enough to deserve the word ‘men’): women DO NOT want to see photos to you topless, looking drunk, pulling silly faces or wearing sunglasses (girls can tell a lot from looking into someone’s eyes).  Be original.  Why not put a photo of yourself with your friends (with your friends cut out, obviously, so girls know which one is you) or a nice outdoor shot of you in a park, festival or camping, as these outdoorsy/motion shots give an insight into your everyday personality.


On to the actual text of the profile, how do we know what we are reading about the other person is true?


The generic descriptors are easier (e.g. height, occupation, personality etc.) but many exaggerate online – guys will make themselves taller, and girls slimmer.  It’s not just the generic descriptors where people exaggerate.  We are all competing with each other to attract someone from the opposite sex so we will say stuff like “regularly play sport and cook” to give the illusion we are fit and strong when in actual fact “regularly” may mean “once a week.”  The Asian 'meathead' who spends most of the time at the gym or with the boys drinking sharabi (alcohol) may say he is “smart and well read” to attract a lady who his parents would be proud off, but the only thing he could talk to you about is the number of calories in a KFC Bucket or McDonalds Happy Meal!  His profile fails to inform the reader he has no interest in her career and is easily jealous of her success, and would not be able to enlighten or engage her in a discussion on different cultures or topical news because he is not as “smart and well read” as  stated.


When writing your online profile it is important to be as honest as possible about yourself, your interests and what you are looking for, and you will attract the right person for you.


How does online dating affect the physiological process of getting to know a partner?


Matching your personality and values is difficult online as you are just looking at the words the user has written.  The personality questions (e.g. how much do you enjoy the arts;  how often do you watch film/television; do you like the the outdoors; what's your favourite sport; how religious are you) on Single Solutions or AsianD8 or the algorithm sites (e.g. E-Harmony or Shaadi) claim they offer something different.  They try and deduce from what you have answered to be able to find your perfect match.  They may well introduce you to someone of similar interests but meeting someone of similar interests does not mean you will necessarily be compatible or result in a long term relationship.  It is very intuitive that these things matter but what also matters is that the two people click on other levels.  It is important that if you think you have met someone with similar interests and personality to yourself from the profile that you meet up quickly and make your own judgement.


Does the internet offer more than traditional dating (e.g. meeting at a bar, going to an event, through introductions by friends or families)?


In our busy everyday life it gives the men and women more choice and opportunities to meet a perspective partner.  The approach taken by men and women online is different.  A guy will fire off the same generic message to all the women he likes because he wants to keep his options open and, quite often, the guy won’t know what he wants.  Boys: please grow up, decide what you want before you make a move and be more tactful as women are constantly bombarded with messages.  Women are more selective as they are looking for someone who will not only be a good partner and companion, but also get on with her family and friends and is mature and emotionally astute.


What did I write on my profile in the end?  You are going to have to search and find out for yourself…