The First Date: Part 2 - conversations

First dates are nerve-racking occasions: you become more self-conscious about your demeanour, your knees may start to tremble, and you start to get embarrassing sweat marks.  (Or is that just me)?  You may have spoken to her on the phone beforehand but the first time you two actually see each will be a deal breaker.  Picking the right clothes to wear and taking her to a perfect first date location is good but if you do not come across as confident or have anything interesting to say (or worse, discuss the wrong topic or embarrass yourself on your date) you may as well call a taxi for yourself.

Don’t talk about politics

“Don’t talk about politics!”  This is what my family and friends have told me on numerous occasions.  They know I am a nerd and the sort of guy that would ask a girl “What do you think of the UK’s foreign policy” or “Do you think you get value for money from your council tax?”  I have spoken to girls about some weird stuff but I will leave that for another blog.  Politics can be interesting but do not discuss it on the first date.  In fact, only discuss it once you have put a ring on her finger as then it will too late for her to escape!

Avoid her past

There is an unwritten rule that you should never discuss past lovers on a date.  This should be avoided at all costs.  I never raise the topic unless the girl initiates it, which they often do later down the line.  The first date is a new start for the both of you so discussing her irresponsible ex or, even worse for you, the ex she still has feeling for is not the best start.

Family

This is the safest topic in the world.  Although, I will admit I have messed this up a couple of times: “Your sister is hot” and “If you look like you mum when you’re fifty I’ll be a happy man!”  Those are the sort of comments to avoid.  Ask her about her parents and siblings, what they do and family holidays.  Talking about the family usually sets off good feelings inside and shows you have a caring side and are actually interested in her family life.

Holidays

Ask her about her gap year in Australia or charity work in Asia and this will bring back happy memories for her and set her in a good mood.  Even if she has not had the chance to explore our beautiful world, she definitely has dreamed of doing it.  It also tests her willingness to try new things and explore new cultures.  Why not offer to take her away with you, that way she has something to look forward to in the relationship.

Career

One of the reasons I finished with Preeti was because she did not take any interest in my job.  In a relationship it is important that both people understand what each other does for a living and is willing to understand what their job entails and how important it is for them.  Whether she is a lawyer, an artist or still a student, your date will have worked hard to get her dream job, or may still be training and aspiring to achieve her goals.  This is a golden opportunity to encourage and learn more about her career and gives you an insight into her personality.

Friends

Get her chatting about the house parties she went to at university with her friends and what they like to do with each other.  This is important because if the relationship progresses you can raise them with her friends when you meet them and she will be impressed (or embarrassed depending on what she has said) that you remembered.  Also, once you have met her best friend you can ask her directly about any juicy or embarrassing gossip on her!

Hobbies

What does she do in her spare time?  Does she paint, dance or read?  What genre of music does she like?  These are the important questions to ask to establish whether there is any common ground between you two.

…and finally

Remember to be yourself.  There is no need to be nervous.  Talk about whatever you are comfortable with.  The key is to listen to her answers (you should be listening attentively anyway) and form new questions and comments around those.  See the first first-date experience for what it is: a good time with some good company.  Relax, be yourself and have fun.